so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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