If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
