She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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