I cockslap morals
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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