I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My hand turned me down
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize