Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
