Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
