Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
