Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
MIDGETS
????
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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