are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
