Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
