Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize