She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you never un-have a 4some
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
