His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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