i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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