Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
