The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
