I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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