he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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