he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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