just tell him i said nine months
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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