The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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