We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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