Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
