This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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