So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
