i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
