wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
