Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize