last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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