somebody snuck up and got me drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't turn off my feet"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
