Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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