As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
