I like my sex mixed with concussions.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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