OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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