just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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