Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
