i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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