just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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