Plan B is the new Plan A
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
