Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
