And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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