Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
