Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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