If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
