last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize