I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
