at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
