It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The power of my boobs compel you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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