the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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