Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
