I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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