You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize