i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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