I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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