I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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