I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
