pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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