what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
