I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
