I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm really into asian looking animals
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ate ashes out of my bong
A bitchslap is in order.
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