this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
