Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
