I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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