Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize