I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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