I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
