he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
