His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
