I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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