a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
