Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
