Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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