you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
