he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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