I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
