So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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