fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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