She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
