dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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