I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What happened to fro yo and sex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
