i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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