I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
