Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
