If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
