If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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