But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
