when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
