i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
