this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
