Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love you. Go after that dick
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