My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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