last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
