Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
