I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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