Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer

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(407): View more from Florida

I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

Fav 25 6926 1274
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

Fav 14 9691 1433
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

Fav 7 4796 1376
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(252): View more from North Carolina

it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet

Fav 6 2458 1624
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(916): View more from California

You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.

Fav 6 2416 842
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.

Fav 18 1165 2705
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm

Fav 0 47 13
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(207): View more from Maine

Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!

Fav 0 37 7
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