Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
