You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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