As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
