is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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