I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
