oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's rum buckets o'clock
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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