you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
